Wedding Tips - For the Guests
So, you're invited to a wedding, but do you know the proper etiquette? Let me help!
Do: Use the envelope as a cue to who is invited.
Don’t: Assume you may bring a guest.
Don’t: Assume your kids are invited.
I’m surprised how many people don’t know this, but you can totally, and should, use a wedding invitation envelope to determine who is invited to a wedding. Examples:
Mr. John Smith = Only John Smith is invited.
Mr. John Smith and Guest = John may bring a guest.
Mr. and Mrs. Bob Jones = Bob and his wife are invited.
The Jones Family/ Mr. and Mrs. Bob Jones and Family = The entire Jones family is invited.
Mr. and Mrs. Bob Jones, Miss Emily Jones, and Master David Jones = Bob, his wife, Emily and David are invited, but their two year-old is not.
It is NEVER acceptable to ask the bride and groom if you may bring a guest. They (or the wedding host) are paying for each and every meal. By asking you are putting them, and the hosts, under pressure to allow you to bring a guest. Adding a guest not only adds costs, but it can have a trickle-down effect in terms of having to adjust seating. There’s no such thing as “just adding a seat”. You’ll learn this for yourself when you get married. Also, never assume your kids are invited. I unintentionally did this the other day and felt horrible.
Do: Stand when the bride walks down the aisle.
Don’t: Take pictures on your cell phone as she walks down the aisle.
Okay, this is one that people don’t seem to understand these days. YES, you should stand when the bride walks down the aisle. It does not matter if you’re the only who does it. It a sign of respect for the bride and a timeless tradition. DON’T take pictures of the bride walking down the aisle… let the photographer do that. She doesn’t want all the pictures of her walking down the aisle to have your cell phone in them.
Do: Dance!
Don’t: Dance during the first dance, father-daughter or mother-son dances (unless invited to do so).
As a wedding guest it is your DUTY to dance (at least to a few songs). BUT DO NOT dance during the special moments unless encouraged to do so by the DJ. I went to a wedding recently where someone danced during the mother-son dance. Now those random people will forever be in their mother-son photos. Don’t be that person!
Do: Show up early.
Don’t: Show up excessively early.
Showing up early (before the start time on the invitation) is another sign of respect to the bride, groom, and hosts. It allows the wedding to start on time. BUT DO NOT SHOW UP EXCESSIVELY EARLY. If you show up too early the bridal party may still be taking photos and the bride DOES NOT want you to see her until she is walking down the aisle, trust me! 15-20 minutes early is perfect.
Do: Bring a gift.
Don’t: Forget to make it clear who the gift is from!
Yes, you are expected to bring a gift! Never question this! Make sure your card is secured to the gift and that all gifts are secured to each other. Chances are, the gifts will be moved at least once before they are opened. Don’t be the person who puts the bride and the groom in the place of not knowing who a gift is from. Make it very clear so they may appropriately thank you.
Do: Dress up!
Don’t: Wear white, match the bridesmaids, wear anything to distract from the wedding.
A wedding invitation can usually help you determine how to dress for a wedding, but always default to formal, wedding guest attire. Ladies, do not wear white… that is reserved for the bride! Do not match the bridesmaids, if you weren’t asked to be in the wedding you’ll just look like you wish you had been. ALSO, do not wear anything to distract from the wedding such as super unique tux or an overly bright dress… this day is NOT about you! As a side note, my friend Ashley got married last year and my dress PERFECTLY matched her table clothes. In some of the pictures it looks like I have the bottom portion of my dress draped over the table, haha!
Do: Have fun!
Don’t be irresponsible!
What are some of the most common words out of the bride’s and groom’s mouths as they plan their wedding? “We just want everyone to have fun!” So do it! Have a few drinks, dance, be social, and have a good time! But don’t get wasted if you don’t have a predetermined ride. Don’t get so trashed that you are an embarrassment. At my wedding I saw a married lady kiss someone who was NOT her husband… I couldn’t believe it!
Do: Be Thoughtful
Don’t: Give Unsolicited Advice
Getting married is, hopefully, a once-in-a-lifetime experience. So anything you can do to help make it special is appreciated. This could include passing along an heirloom, writing a special note to the bride and/or groom, or giving a special gift. However, unsolicited advice is not helpful. In fact, it just makes things awkward. So don’t be offended when your advice is not taken, even when asked for. This is the bride’s and groom’s day… let them do it their way, and be happy that they did what was best for them.
